This is a Self Diagnosis

I eat. I eat more than I should.
Never in public.
I hide it.
 Eat when I'm alone. Or in my bedroom.
If no one can see me it doesn't count.
I make excuses.
 I hide the rubbish.
I don't do blood tests.
I try to hide it even from my self.
I'm putting on weight.
I feel guilty.
I make endless promises. I always break them.
It has been years.
I need help.
Sometimes I wish it was bulimia.
Doing something about the guilt. Throwing up.
Binging. Purging. Binging.
I don't purge.
Binging. Guilt. Binging.
Binge eating disorder.
I need to escape this.

Binge Eating Disorder....

Unfaithful - Rihanna REWRITTEN

A parody of Unfaithful by Rihanna that I wrote about procrastination and school work, while procrastinating and not doing school work:

Verse 1. 
Story of my life,
Got an essay to write,
But it keeps avoiding me,
Thought I was on a roll,
But is all seems wrong,
I could use an epiphany

I think I'm going mad,
I've really had enough,
Now I'm always feeling blue,
More papers to hand in,
Due date comes again,
There is just do much to do

Bridge
Because I know that every time I have an assessment due
I always find something better to do
When I should really study

Chorus
I don't wanna do this any more,
I just don't know what to write,
I throw my pen down on the floor,
And I think I've lost my study guide,
I don't know what I'm doing anymore,
I hope exams go all right.
I don't want to be a failure.

Verse 2. 
Teachers just don't care,
I'm pulling out my hair,
Preparing for the exam date,
Another paper to check,
I can't sleep yet.
Why did I procrastinate.

Bride 
Chorus

THE END

Procrastination

It's a disease, slowly picking apart my life. I just can't seem to get anything done. I have an essay due tomorrow. I haven't even started. I have been sitting at home all day in my pyjamas watching ellen and talking to strangers on Omegle. Now it is 4pm, and there is still little more than a fragmented sentence on my page. 

"I don't care any more" - The catchphrase of the chronic procrastinator. There is absolutely no way I will be able to complete the task now. It's self-destruction. Always ebbing away at my mind, and yet I don't do it.

Sometimes things get better I complete a task or two, if only just short of the due date. Today I don't see myself succeeding. 

So here I am writing another blog post instead of doing the work I am supposed to do. So, if only for traditions sake I am going to make another promise to complete every task I set out to do. If you are a serial procrastinator, like I am, join me in my pledge against this disorder. 

I,        (Name)       , pledge to complete all of my set tasks before the due date and to the best of my ability. I will not save it until the very last minute, and always plan ahead. 

And so history repeats itself...

Last night I yelled, I screamed, I cried.

I found myself sitting on my mum's laundry floor, sobbing into my lap. I was angry. So. Freaking. Angry. I never wanted to look at that face again. I wanted to run. Run away and never come back. I wanted to be shipped off to another land where the world it perfect. I was so angry. Almost exactly like before.

It was like the day I left my mother. I was angry, crying. Packing up my things. But this time it was different. I sat on the cold tile floor, as before, but this time something was different. The person hovering over me, wiping my tears, hugging me was my mum. And my father, hovering outside the front door, was the one I was angry at.

And so history repeats itself...

After many tears, my mother's comforting hand, and persuading words, I finally spoke to him, forgave him (although I'm not sure how long that will last) and went home. Without my mother, I would have made another mistake. One day, I'm going to have no where left to go.