I've come to realise that I am not keeping this blog so anyone will see it, it is here purely for my own sake. So I can look back and view my memories as they were when they were made; so I can learn from past mistakes; so I am never the mother mine was.
These are some messages I received today and I don't know what they mean, even now:
Mum: "I love u and always will. I hurt and probably always will. Not that anyone gives a shit. No one makes it any easier"
To which I replied: " I care mum, but you have said yourself that there is nothing I can do to make this better. I love you, there really isn't much more I can say"
Mum: "Nope nothing to say apart from u have all the pretend family who really don't give a shit. Fake as. As long as u r happy that's all that matters. One day u will know more."
Mum (again): "I will always remember the little girl crying because she was so hurt and me living in fear I'd loose my kids or they'd be harmed. When ur a mother u may get it. Just goes to show u can be the biggest Arsehole in life and get away with absolutely everything."
If anyone who happens across this actually understands this, please explain it to me, it would be really helpful for me to know.
Thanks
:( Mums right?
ReplyDeleteI can sort of understand, but in a way its impossible for me to because I don't know first hand the hardship of a mother.
From what you've said, I think your mum has gone through a lot.
You've mentioned that you write this blog to ensure that you are never the mother that she is, which makes it obvious that your mum has had her flaws... I personally think that no mum can be perfect. But I agree, I strongly hope that I can raise my children differently from how my mother has.
I think your mother has faced many troubles throughout her life and has many times feared losing you and has had to work hard to protect you and keep you because she loves you. She also mentions that she has a fake family so she probably thinks that her family has never been there for her to help her. The last line of what she says sounds like she feels that she has made so many mistakes in life yet she has got away with it as she has still been lucky enough to keep you.
It is quite hard to understand the feelings of a mother but I think the main thing to get from her messages is that regardless of the struggles in life, her love for you remains.